i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
