My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
