I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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