Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
