i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
