Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
