I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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