we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
