just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
