I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
