Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
