How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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