If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
