the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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