Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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