This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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