Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
