Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
