you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
