My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
