How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
