he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
