You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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