I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize