I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
