I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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