Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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