Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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