This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize