paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
