my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize