I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
