Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
