I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wear drunk well.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
