he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
