You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
