All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
