btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
