i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
