before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
