he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize