in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
