You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
