He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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