So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
