We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
