literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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