she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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