There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
