When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
