If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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