Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
