Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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