just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
