Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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