she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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