Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
