At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
