are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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