Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
