I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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