The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
