then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
