I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
