you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
