I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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