So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
