The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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