I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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