I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
