i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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