At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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