i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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