i think my mom watched the whole time
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize