It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
no you cant smoke seaweed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
