these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
