Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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