Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
