I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
