when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
