clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
