i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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