Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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