my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
