Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I checked into jail on foursquare
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
