Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
