last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
