At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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