shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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