i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
