My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish you could order shots online.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
