fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
